The excruciating quest for a meeting room

　　寻找会议室的痛苦之旅

　　A tale of territorial ambition, power dynamics and water bottles

　　一个关于领土野心、权力动态和水瓶的故事

　　What’s the scarcest resource in business Good people Patient capital Uncontested markets The correct answer is meeting rooms. (Or, more accurately, meeting rooms when you actually want to have a meeting; when you have no need for one, they are always completely empty.)

　　商业领域最稀缺的资源是什么？优秀的人才？有耐心的资本？没有竞争的市场？正确答案是会议室。（或者更准确地说，是当你真的想开会时的会议室；而当你不需要会议室时，它们总是空无一人。）

　　When rooms are in demand, the top of every hour ushers in the same scene. First, lots of people rise from their desks and start to walk around with water bottles. The risk of dehydration is not high if you are sitting in a conference room for an hour. But you never know.

　　当房间需求旺盛时，每小时整点都会上演同样的场景。首先，很多人从办公桌前站起来，拿着水瓶开始四处走动。如果你在会议室里坐一个小时，脱水的风险其实并不高。但谁也说不准。

　　Someone asks a colleague which meeting room has been booked, a reminder that rooms should not be given names. “Are we indecisive” “What” “Are we in Decisive” “Oh. No. We’re incapable.” “What” And so on, until someone reverts to normal speech: “It’s the big one by the lift.”

　　有人问同事预订了哪个会议室，还提醒说会议室不应该起名字。“我们优柔寡断吗？”“什么？”“我们在‘果断’（会议室）里吗？”“哦，不在。我们没那个能力。”“什么？”就这样一直说下去，直到有人改用正常的说法：“就是电梯旁边那个大的。”

　　As the participants gather outside Capable, the people inside practise an important office skill: pretending not to notice that their time is up. Room bookings are like motorway speed limits. In theory, everyone should stick to the rules, and be out on the dot. In practice, you can stay a little longer than the allotted time but you don’t know exactly when you will get into real trouble.

　　当参与者们聚集在Capable公司外面时，里面的人正在练习一项重要的办公室技能：假装没注意到他们的时间已经到了。会议室预订就像高速公路的限速规定。理论上，每个人都应该遵守规则，准时离开。但实际上，你可以比规定时间多待一会儿，只是不知道什么时候会真正惹上麻烦。

　　As the seconds tick past, the group outside stop talking among themselves and edge closer to the threshold. Finally, someone knocks on the door, opens it and says: “I’m afraid we’ve got the room now.” There is a brief moment of tension. But the game is up. The people inside pack up and slope off. Capable is in different hands. A faint air of exultation takes hold as people sit down. Someone from the previous meeting creeps back in to retrieve their water bottle, a final capitulation. “Does anyone know how to make the screen work” someone asks, and the mood darkens.

　　随着秒针滴答作响，外面的那群人停止了交谈，慢慢向门口靠近。最后，有人敲了敲门，推开门说：“恐怕现在这个房间归我们用了。” 气氛短暂地紧张了一下。但这场“游戏”已经结束了。里面的人收拾好东西，默默地离开了。“能人”落入了不同的人手中。人们坐下来时，一种淡淡的喜悦情绪开始蔓延。之前开会的人中，有一个悄悄回来拿他的水瓶，这算是最后的妥协。“有人知道怎么让屏幕工作吗？”有人问道，气氛顿时变得有些沉闷。

　　The new rulers of Capable knew where they were headed. Less organised groups are still walking around trying to find a place to meet. These people all forgot to book a room, and are now competing for whatever space might be available.

　　凯普勒的新统治者们清楚自己的目标。组织性较差的团体仍在四处游荡，试图找到一个开会的地方。这些人都忘了预订房间，现在正为任何可能空着的场地而竞争。

　　One group heads to Effective. The display panel outside says that it has been booked but the room is empty. It could be a no-show: some colleagues are known for booking rooms weeks in advance just in case. The booking will be cancelled automatically after 15 minutes, as though this were not a meeting about the budget assumptions but a table at a Michelin-starred restaurant. Another cluster of people is approaching. Are these the people who booked or just interlopers The group decides not to wait to find out, and stampedes into the room. “We’re ineffective!” someone calls to a latecomer.

　　一组人走向“高效”会议室。外面的显示屏显示该会议室已被预订，但房间里空无一人。这可能是有人预订了却没来：有些同事出了名地会提前几周预订会议室，以防万一。15分钟后，预订将自动取消，仿佛这不是一场关于预算假设的会议，而是米其林星级餐厅的一张餐桌。另一群人正走过来。这些人是预订者，还是只是不速之客？这组人决定不再等着弄清楚，而是蜂拥进了房间。“我们可没效率了！”有人对一个迟到的人喊道。

　　The approaching group had not booked the room. They now scurry off to Considerate. There’s only one person in there, when the room can hold ten, but that one person has clearly worked out how to use the automated booking system. The bigger group could ask her to move, but rules are rules. Someone belatedly tries to download the meeting-room app. Despite ten years of service, the system insists that he does not work at the company. He gives up.

　　即将走近的那一群人并没有预订这个房间。他们现在匆匆离开，去了“体贴”会议室。那个会议室本来能容纳十个人，此刻却只有一个人在里面，但很显然，那个人已经弄明白了如何使用自动预订系统。人数更多的这一群人本可以让她换个地方，但规定就是规定。有人事后才试着下载会议室应用程序。尽管已经在公司工作了十年，系统却坚称他并非公司员工。他只好放弃了。

　　Energy levels are running low: people take swigs from water bottles. The group next heads to Tolerant. They find to their relief that the display panel outside is a welcoming green. But the participants in the previous meeting, which is now over-running by several minutes, include two very senior executives. Rules are rules, but feudal systems are feudal systems. So the group outside doesn’t edge towards the door, let alone open it. They just try to get in people’s eyelines and hope for the best.

　　大家的精力越来越差，纷纷拿起水瓶猛灌几口。接着，这组人前往“包容”会议室。看到外面的显示屏亮着代表可以使用的绿色，他们松了口气。但上一场会议还在超时进行，里面有两位资历很深的高管。规矩固然是规矩，但等级制度就是等级制度。所以，外面的这组人没敢靠近门口，更别说开门了。他们只是努力让里面的人注意到自己，盼着能有好结果。

　　Someone sends a quick message to the people who are dialling into their meeting remotely, to explain that they are just finding a room and won’t be a moment. The virtual participants are too absorbed in a conversation about the Winter Olympics (“curling is surprisingly fun to watch, isn’t it”) to notice.

　　有人给远程接入会议的人发了一条简短消息，说明自己正在找会议室，马上就到。而线上参会者们正全神贯注地聊着冬奥会（“冰壶看起来真的很有趣，不是吗？”），根本没注意到这条消息。

　　While the group waits outside Tolerant, the display panel on the door suddenly changes from green to red. Someone else has managed to get into the meeting-room app and jumped ahead of them. The culprits round the corner. Fingers clench around water bottles.

　　当这群人在“宽容”外面等待时，门上的显示面板突然从绿色变成了红色。有人设法进入了会议室应用程序，抢在了他们前面。肇事者出现在拐角处。人们攥紧了手中的水瓶。

　　But the group that hasn’t booked the room eventually backs down, as it must, and reluctantly heads to the kitchen area. It will take them 15 minutes to accept that no one online can hear anything over the noise of everyone else. They agree to meet again next week. Same time, same lack of place.

　　但那组没预订房间的人最终还是像必然会发生的那样退让了，不情愿地走向厨房区域。他们花了15分钟才接受，因为周围太嘈杂，线上的人什么都听不见。他们同意下周再碰面，还是同一时间，同样没有合适的地方。